School for Seduction
by Mindy35
Summary: Jack/Liz, Liz/Carol, Jack/Avery. Post-ep. Liz needs some follow-up advice.


Title: School for Seduction

Author: Mindy

Rating: T, sexual concepts

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Tina Fey, NBC et al.

Spoilers: "Reaganing".

Pairing: Jack/Liz, Liz/Carol, Jack/Avery

Summary: Post-ep. Liz needs some follow-up advice.

-x-x-x-

Liz marched into his office, shut the door and plonked herself on his couch.

"Lemon." Jack hung up his phone, looked over at her. "I take it you wish to talk?"

She nodded. "Yes."

He stepped around his desk. "About?"

She took a deep breath. "You, um…okay. So you remember what we talked about the other day?"

Jack looked momentarily thoughtful. "I've spoken to you every day for the past three weeks, Lemon. Could you be a little more specific?"

"You know…" She waved a hand, eyes averted. "On the way to the _airport_? In the _limo_? Under the _bridge_?"

"Ah…" He stepped closer, lowering his voice. "Your performance issue."

"Exactly. Yes. That." She nodded again, forging ahead. "Well. Carol and I are…trying. You know, trying to…improve our intimate life."

Jack cast her a look as he headed for the bar. "That sounds encouraging."

"Yeah. It is," she muttered, sounding troubled. "But I need to bring something to the table here. Some skills, some…ideas." She looked up as Jack handed her a drink. "So? Gimme some."

"I beg your pardon?"

Liz rolled her eyes. "Come on, Jack, you've gotta have some good ones. You always brag about how awesome you are at it. So show me what you've got. Well, don't show me. But tell me, give me some pointers. I'm sure you've been dying to. And now's your chance. I'm open, I'm listening. Just-" she held up a hand, "don't ruin this precious bonding moment by getting too graphic. Keep it simple, keep it basic. Keep it…clean."

"I am well aware of who I am dealing with," Jack replied, retrieving a second drink for himself. "And I wouldn't dream of attempting to introduce you to the highly challenging lotus position or the bliss of erotic massage or-"

"Jack." She sent him a look. "Seriously."

He settled into the chair opposite her. "What is it you'd like to know?"

"I don't know," she sighed, frowning. "Maybe, start at the beginning. What should I…how should I approach…"

"Seducing him?"

"Yes. No-!" Her features struggled to agree for a moment. They decided on being visibly pained. "I can't- ...not _seduce_, no. He's already mine. Do I really have to seduce him if he's mine?"

"Yes," Jack answered. "You do. I seduce Avery every night. Happily, I might add."

She swallowed. "I'm going to withhold my response to that."

"As you should." Jack took a sip of his drink, letting his mind wander. "I let my ladylove know every single night that she is in my bed that I do not take her presence there for granted. I let her know that even though I have explored every inch of her body, she still excites me, she still enthrals me. I let her know that her pleasure is my pleasure."

"Well…" Liz nodded a few times, still looking pained. "That's nice, I guess."

"For both parties," he confirmed with a nod. "Seduction, Lemon. Romance. Spontaneity. Passion. You need to work to keep these things alive in a long-term relationship."

"Uh huh, sure, okay." She paused. "…How?"

Jack shifted forward in his seat. "Here's what I suggest. Wear a dress."

"A dress?"

"It's always a good start, yes. Put on something you feel sexy in. Men pick up on such a vibe in a woman, especially when it's their woman. Carol will notice- why are you shaking your head like that?"

Liz continued shaking her head. "I don't feel sexy. Nothing makes me feel sexy. I have never felt even vaguely sexy in my life. I have trouble just saying the word, let alone- I just…don't. It's not possible. It's not me."

Jack scoffed loudly. "Don't be ridiculous, Lemon. You're telling me you've never felt sexy while soaking in a hot bath or when waking up naked with someone or after hearing a Kenny G song?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Lemon-"

"_Kenny G?_"

"Alright-" Jack cut off her amusement, redirecting their intercourse. "For example, Lemon…that green dress you own?"

Her eyes cut to one side. "I had a green dress a few years ago. I think I threw it out cos it got a big old ink stain on it."

"Well, that's the kind of thing I mean," he said, waving a hand at her. "That dress suited you."

"It did?"

"Yes."

She blinked at him. "And you remember that?"

Jack glanced away, easing back in his chair. "I noted it, yes. And when in doubt in such a situation, Lemon, you can never fail with a little black dress."

"I've got one of those!" she said, instantly perking up.

"I know," he answered dryly. "So pull it out of mothballs and for God's sake – or Carol's, rather – wear the thing. Have you ever even dressed yourself up for him? Gone out on a proper date together?"

"Not really."

"This is my point," he told her, wagging his head. "You two need to start right at the beginning. Create a little mood, a little flirtation, a little sexual suspense. Apply some feminine magic. You have all the parts, Lemon. You just need to polish them up a bit."

"I should get a wax," she volunteered, getting into the mix. "I should wax…everything!"

"Yes, if you haven't already, you should. And wear perfume."

"Perfume?"

"Men like it. Just a little. Nothing too overpowering and nothing that might remind us of our grandmothers."

"No nanna smells, got it. Should I be writing this down? I'm gonna write this stuff down." She pulled a pen out of her hair and began eagerly scrawling on her own skin. "What else?"

"Hair, Lemon."

"What about it?"

His eyes lifted to the bird's nest on her head. "Out. So he can get his hands in it. And little to no product. I can't tell you how frustrating it is trying to get my hands out of Avery's hair after she comes home from the studio."

"Hey, I can do that. My hair is low maintenance." She scribbled this on her palm. "Just like me."

"I'm going to let that pass," Jack mused, then continued on. "You need to make the most of what you've got. Maximise your assets."

Liz looked up, pen poised. "I have assets? Plural?"

"You do. And by assets, I do not mean a killer sense-of-humor or good personality."

"I don't have a good personality?"

"Your personality is fine. In fact, if anything your personality is a little over-developed. What we need to develop is your sex appeal."

Her nose screwed up. "My _what_?"

"What we want Carol to notice here is your…other charms. We want to draw him in with more obvious temptations."

"Oh. Okay…" Liz bobbed her head a few times. Then shook it, seemingly lost. "And what are they?"

Jack just looked at her. "Really, Lemon?"

"I'm not- I'm serious! Don't laugh at me." She shifted in her seat, giving an awkward little laugh. "I'm not…not sure what my charms are, I was never sure they existed. Not for real."

"They do," Jack told her.

"Well, alright then," she muttered unconvincingly.

"Your hair," he said.

"My hair is charming?"

"Eyes, obviously," he added.

"Also charming?"

He held out a hand, indicating: "Legs."

She lifted a leg, looked at it. "Huh. Really…"

"And, ah…breasts, Lemon. From what I can tell, at least."

Liz looked down at herself, evidently impressed by her own assets. "No kidding…"

Jack went on. "Those would be the ones I'd single out. There may be other assets you possess, some that Carol may fancy more. But truthfully, if you have those basic four, coupled with your obviously relentless sense-of-humor-"

"Don't forget my over-developed personality."

"I couldn't if I tried. Then frankly, you don't need anything else. With all those at your disposal, you can easily wrap any man around your little finger."

"I don't think that's where I want Carol wrapped. Ba-boom-ching!"

"Lemon!" Jack smiled, surprised. "Your first sexual innuendo, I'm impressed."

She held up both hands. "Not bad, right? See how I'm growing?"

"I see, I see. You are on your way to complete sexual freedom."

"Alright me. So!-" She straightened in her seat, clasping her hands together. "I've got my charms. I've put them in a dress-"

"I would also recommend some updating and embellishing of what happens...beneath the dress."

"I'm one step ahead of you there," she said with a smug smile.

"Is that so?"

"Well, all my," she waved a vague hand at herself, "yeah- were falling apart. Not fit for public viewing, if you get what I mean. So I went to a place and got some, you know, nice ones. Nothing outlandish but…pretty. Carol liked them. So…"

"That is a good step."

"I thought so."

"And how did you feel in them?" Jack asked after a moment. "How did you feel when Carol liked them?"

She gave a shrug. "Good? I guess. A bit weird. Uncertain, but…good."

"There is no reason to feel uncertain, Lemon. This man likes you, he wants you. He wants to be with you. He wants to touch you and kiss you and pleasure you."

She squirmed but nodded. "Uh huh. I know."

"You should take confidence from that. Let him, Lemon. Let him make you feel wanted, desired."

"I'm trying, I am." She stalled briefly, letting out a sigh. "But, I don't know…I don't know how to do that. I can't stop waiting for something to go terribly wrong. And I want this to work so bad that I can't…relax with him. Not completely."

Jack was silent a moment. "Close your eyes, Lemon."

"What?"

"Close them."

She hesitated, once, twice, then shut her eyes. "Okay. Now what?"

"Imagine you are Carol."

Her eyes popped open. "Is this going to turn into a me making-out with me thing? Cos I'm not going for that."

Jack got up from his chair. "No. That's not where I'm heading. Again, something you are far from ready for."

"Fantastic. I can't wait til that happens."

"I simply wanted you to imagine a man, standing before a woman he cares for. Very deeply."

She gulped. "Okay…"

"Close your eyes."

Liz did.

Jack began to pace the carpet, his footfalls soft and slow. "She is dressed just for him. She is looking at him. Her hair and eyes, soft. Her figure lovely, full, womanly. He can smell the scent on her skin, see her bosom-"

"Bosom!" she snickered under her breath.

Jack stopped pacing, turning to glare at her before continuing. "Her _bosom_ rising and falling with each expectant breath, her slender limbs ready to encircle him. Her imperfections every bit as bewitching as the rest of her. And all he wants, all this man wants is to touch her skin with his mouth, feel her warmth against his palms. He wants her breath, her moans, his name repeated in his ear. He wants to indulge her every craving, to own her desire for a mere moment." He paused, letting the words settle. He took a breath. "Do you see, Lemon? Do you see?" He stepped closer. "Can you see yourself like that? Can you see yourself being desired that way? Because if you can, then Carol-"

Her eyes opened. She sucked in a breath.

"-will not be able to resist you. Believe me."

Her eyes found him, their expression inscrutable.

"Men are simple creatures," he murmured, voice low, hypnotic. "We need very little seduction. We will pick up on even the smallest invitation. All you have to do is want us. All you have to do.…is let us in."

Her lips parted. She licked them, then looked down, attempting a smile and a flippant tone. "You…God, Jack, you make it sound so simple when it's just not."

"It ought to be." Jack moved away, turned back to look at her. "It is."

Silence reigned another moment. Before Liz broke it:

"I…I didn't write all that down," she mumbled, the words faltering on her tongue. "About- I didn't get that. But I'm going to work on it. Think about it…I'm gonna work on being irresistible. I'm gonna…let someone in." She met his gaze, smiled a closed-lipped smile. "I'm going to seduce my man like he's never been seduced before. Or try to."

Jack half-smiled back. "Good for you."

"Good for me…yeah." Liz sat another moment, hands in her lap before she slapped her knees and rose. "So, any last bits of advice then?"

"Well." Jack cleared his throat. "A little alcohol might help loosen things up."

"Obviously."

He put a hand on her back to guide her out. "Don't call him 'dude' at any point. Don't even think the word, wipe it from your vocabulary for at least one night."

"I can try."

"Also try nibbling on his neck." Jack pointed to a spot on his own neck. "Right here."

She peered at the spot. "Guys like that?"

"I haven't taken a poll. But it feels amazing."

"Alrighty then."

He turned to her at the door. "Go slow."

"Okay."

"And considering your issues…"

"Yeah?"

"How do I say this?" He paused, lips pursed. "Perhaps allow him to-"

"Oh! Yeah-!" She let out a breath, smiling in comprehension. "He does. I do. I get it. I get what you mean, I mean. It's, um, yeah-"

He lifted a brow. "Yes?"

"Yeah, he- well, anyway." She nodded once, assuring him, "That's happening."

"Good," he said. "Excellent. Well…plenty of that. Never can hurt."

"It does not. I agree."

"Well then." He looked at her a moment, then patted her back. "Sounds like you're all set."

"I am?" She shuffled toward the door. "All you've really told me to do is wear a dress and make myself feel sexy."

"That may be all it takes."

"For real? That's the big sex mystery? Jeez!"

Jack opened the door for her. "It's a good start, Lemon. And more than enough for now. We can move onto bigger things in the future."

"Oh boy…" She took a big breath, heading out. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck, Lemon. And try to enjoy yourself."

She waved a finger as she backed away from him. "Right…now why do I always forget that part?" And off she went.

_END._


End file.
